The Bigger Canvas

Its that time of the year again, almost every Indian house quaking with a magnitude of their child's board exam result. The first post on my Facebook feed was certainly one to envy, so I kept scrolling down until my head began to spin. The palette of possible percentages reminded me of my limited hours, until I too will sit behind a screen, constantly refreshing the page in all anxiousness, finally making amends with God. I've always been traumatized by the supreme power numbers have over our lives; age, weight, marks, likes and counting...

Drawn by Sarina Abdulla

The only thing worse than knowing that I am this close to bidding school life Adieu, is greeting a much more cruel world Bonjour. The last few weeks were a splash of all the most vibrant emotions. Some days I am already nostalgic as I fast forward into the future, while on others I lay myself back rewinding to a more carefree past. I push my friends as far away in fear of getting attached, and pull them back even closer knowing it will never be the same again. With pleasure I may have repeated the same mistakes time and over again, but for now all I can say is... Come what may, Carpe Diem, Carpe Noctem, Carpe Vitam...

Drawn by Jilsha Feraz

If That Means Crawling, Crawl

Although we all claim its what life is supposed to be like, traveling has to be my #1 favorite escape from reality. I remember hopping onto a jeep that drove us to a rather under-explored part of the bedazzling Sultanate of Oman, where we accelerated along a steep mountain-slope under a sky dressed in the darkest shade of violet. I call it a rare occasion that I wouldn't rather pull out my smartphone and browse through every one else's enviable Snapchat story. The gleam across the heaven I sat under looked like Jam spread over bread, only the happiness times infinity. I recall that night to the most deafening noise one could hear; silence. Just like what you hear on a day spent beside some one you can go on talking to, without saying a word. I popped my head out the window and let the winds undo my headscarf, taking in as much of the landscape as I could to engrave that picturesque memory for a lifetime. I have a lot of fears, fears of losing good friends, earned followers, and maybe even the last cookie in the jar. But in that moment all I was afraid of losing, was that moment. It taught me to keep going, even if that meant baby steps or even staying still, only to shine. I was drenched in the holy sight of so many, alike and distant but even yet unique stars. I wondered if any of them felt less special because of how much brighter some shun over the others... little do they know, without the dim, there wouldn't be any bright. A realization then struck me... as beings, we are incomparable! Because even if we can 'see' it, our shine can only be 'felt' by those around us. And so, we rode on into the darkness until an invisible cloak hid the precious stones of the sky only to spare their lustre for another time, giving daylight its awaited turn to catwalk...

Photograph by Hiba Aydeed

I Am Not Special

I,

I wake up at 6:35 a.m. turn around, check if my phone buzzed while I was being chased by the paparazzi in a different dimension. A yellow blinking light I see, my sloppy fingers unlock the screen only to see an SMS I received. "Hurrah! You're the chosen one! Recharge with 500 fils to claim your seventy unicorn-colored trips to Hawaii!" Pffft. "Chosen one," I think to myself and tug my duvet right back on. Minutes later I hear my name being chanted until mama's water spray breaks my fantasy. Oh, I'm late for the bus. Again. I drag myself outta bed blind way-finding to brush my teeth. Next thing you know, I've fallen face down on the washing machine. Bruised on my eye and half starved I run across the street and -sorry Uncle, I'll wake up earlier.- I drape my hijab over my face of shame and drool in exhaustion for the next forty minutes. The hazy corridors I walk past filled with small, fat, skinny, tall people one better than the other at uff, don't push, man, one better than the other at singing, dancing, studying. Hung across the lobby I stare at the honour-roll board, a lot of familiar names none of which are mine. I still make it to class feed on the energy only to survive yet another day of every one's special but I,

I'm not.

That's why I am.

Photograph by Hiba Aydeed